Domestic Violence
Signs you may be in an abusive relationship. The other person:
- Makes you afraid by using looks or gestures
- Abuses pets
- Puts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself
- Isolates you from family and friends -limits your outside activities
- Makes light of abuse, shifts responsibility of abuse to you saying you deserve it
- Uses children to make you feel guilty, threatens to take the child(ren) or threatens to call DCS
- Makes most of the major decisions, decides each partner’s place/duties in relationship
- Makes most of the financial decisions, prevents you from getting a job, interferes with work or education
- Makes and/or carries out threat to harm you
- Threatens to leave, threatens suicide, threatens to “out” you
Domestic violence is a crime. If you are a victim of domestic violence, there is help available.
Sexual Violence
What is sexual violence?
Sexual violence happens in every community and affects people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations. The World Health Organization defines sexual violence as any sexual act or attempt to obtain a sexual act by violence or coercion, acts to traffic a person or acts directed against a person’s sexuality, regardless of the relationship to the victim. It is any sexual activity when consent is not obtained or not giving freely. Perpetrators of sexual violence can be a stranger, but most often they are someone the victim knows, such as a friend, current or former intimate partner, coworker, neighbor, or family member.
What is normal for me now?
As you work your way through the crisis caused by sexual violence, you will likely move through the following phases. You may not go through these phases in exact order, and you may go back and forth between them.
Shock and Denial
Disbelief that the event occurred and desire to numb feelings.
Impact
The impact of the crime is obvious and includes a feeling of loss and possibly accompanied by fear, anger, sadness, guilt, isolation, and shame.
Confrontation
The survivor attempts to understand in detail what occurred and why.
Rebuilding
The survivor has been able to acknowledge, accept, and work through their feelings related to the crime creating and adjusting to a new normal in their life.
“I was scared no one would believe me that he forced me to have sex. I blamed myself and felt guilty. I met with a FIP counselor; I was believed, learned coping skills, and received the support I needed to put my life back on track.” - Anne, a survivor of sexual violence
Robbery
What is robbery?
Robbery is taking or attempting to take anything of value from the care, custody, or control of someone by force or by threat of force or violence. If a weapon is used, it is called armed robbery.
Robbery involves the loss of property and the threat or use of violence. Because victims encounter robbers face-to-face or in close proximity, robbery victims often feel total and immediate loss of control. When a weapon is involved, the sense of helplessness and the fear of death can be strong which can lead to both short and long-term crisis reactions.
Common Reactions
- Anger
- Intense sadness & grief over stolen possessions
- Nervousness or anxiety in crowds
- Being suspicious of people you do not know
- Difficulty sleeping / nightmares
- Hypervigilance: Being hyper aware of your environment.
- Constant thinking about the robbery
- May startle easily at unexpected sounds
- Feeling vulnerable and not in control of your life
- Appetite changes
- Difficulty concentrating
“I was robbed at gun point. They took my phone and wallet. I was not physically hurt, but I thought I was going to be killed. I was scared, couldn’t sleep, and stressed out. I talked with staff at FIP. They taught me skills to cope with my emotions and answered my questions.” - Mark, survivor of armed robbery
Violent Death
Co-victims of Homicide
When a life ends violently, many lives are affected (such as family, friends, and often groups and communities the victim was involved). We are defining violent death as death by homicide or vehicular homicide.
It is estimated that each homicide victim is survived by an average of three loved ones for whom the death produces a traumatic and painful grief. Deborah Spungen, victim advocate and mother of a murder victim created the term “co-victim” to describe anyone who is impacted by the death of a loved one by homicide. Co-victim illustrates how those impacted by a death by homicide must survive the intrusion of media, criminal justice system, and others in or outside the system who are insensitive to the complications and pain co-victims endure. Another description is “invisible” because co-victims are not always recognized as crime victims, although they experience a similar journey that a direct victim of a violent crime (police investigation, court system, parole, etc.).
Traumatic Grief is Unique
Grief is a natural reaction to a loss and everyone’s grief is unique. When the loss is a life of a loved one by violent death, the grief is different than other losses. Traumatic grief is different from normal grief because of the sudden nature and the manner in which it occurred. There is no time to say good-bye, there are questions co-victims have that will never be answered, and no one can be prepared for the deep emotional, physical, and spiritual reactions they may experience.
Although everyone’s grief is unique, there are common reactions that many co-victims experience. You may experience many or only a few, regardless remember that they are common for many co-victims.
Denial/Shock/Numbness
What has happened is too difficult to believe.
Fear/ Vulnerability
Co victims may have felt violent death would never happen to their loved ones, but it has. They become fearful and feel vulnerable that tragedy could strike again.
Aches/ Pains/ Illness
The stress from traumatic grief can make a person physically sick, appetite can be affected, sleep disrupted, and immune system may be compromised.
Anger
Many co victims feel anger. It can be early in grief, or after the numbness wears off. We are taught anger is not a “good “emotion. It is not anger that is bad; it is how we react to our anger. Allow yourself to feel anger, but do not let your response be destructive.
“After the tragic murder of my son, Family Intervention Program helped me to not only keep standing, but to walk again through life.” – Judy, mother of a homicide victim